50% of my jokes are self deprecating and 50% are self congratulatory like i’ll say “wow its hot in here…. just like me” and 5 seconds later point at a trash can and say “me”
don’t say nice things to me or i get flustered and start crying
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A LIL CRUSH ON SOMEONE BUT THEN AFTER A FEW DAYS YOU CATCH YOURSELF THINKING ABOUT THEM A LOT AND THAT LIL CRUSH IS NO LONGER A LIL CRUSH IT’S AN ADULT CRUSH AND IT RUINS YOUR LIFE LIKE WTF I DIDN’T SIGN ON FOR THIS
today I learned that if you want to slash someone’s tires, don’t slash all four; only slash three because if you slash all four their insurance will pay for it but if you only slash three they have to pay for it all out of pocket
today on satan makes a blog post
in other news if someone slashes your tires but only slashes 3, slash the remaining tire so your insurance will pay for it instead of paying out of pocket.
Don’t call us freaks!
if i ever met satan the first thing i would say is “did it hurt…when you fell from heaven??” It would be hilarious. The next thing I would do is probably burst into flame and get impaled dozens of times but it would still be hilarious
She started to talk to him about his interests and her kidnapper began to view her as a person he could trust. Eventually, he declared that he was in love with her. After 10 days of captivity, he allowed Elizabeth to borrow his cell phone to play games on it. Naturally, when he left, she used it to call her mother.
This is actually a smart thing to do. If you are ever kidnapped, you should try to humanize yourself & get close to your captors. Do not challenge them, rather try to show them that you are worthy of their respect. If you speak the same language, try to talk with them and exchange information. Learn about them and let them learn about you. Try to relate to them. Family could be a safe topic depending on the situation. If they see you as a person, your quality of life as a captive and your probability of survival go way up. This creates the reverse-Stockholm Syndrome on them in which they can express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings towards you. Now you might have the opportunity to escape like the girl above did!
having the worst internet connection in your friend group
Don’t be surprised when they bring a gun to school
that’s not even complicated you literally add 26 and 19 then simplify 2025 over 45 to be 45/1 then multiply 24 and 45 making it 1080 then add 1080 and 47 and unlock the iPad with the passcode 1-1-2-7 god bless
looks like we found ourselves a nerd
looks like we found someone capable of basic math
how is that basic math
this is basic math
Typical SeaMonkeys argument
I’M LAUGHING BECAUSE THIS LITERALLY IS SUN AND NEPTUNE ARGUING
…I don’t think this is simple..
Reject the notion that you are supposed to be at a certain place by now.
Don’t measure yourself to some colloquial set of social constructions.